Could giving up be good?

Woman with balloons

Balloon Happines by Alexei Bazdarev

There was a time when giving up gracefully was an acceptable- if not the best way to move life forward. Retreating, regrouping and re-thinking are all admiral responses to life’s most difficult problems.

 So what happened to change this? It has become a common belief that giving up shows a sign of weakness and it shouldn’t even be considered, we should stick at something no matter what the outcome. We now measure success from neither how happy it has made us nor even the skill we showed in getting it, but rather the degree of determination that we took to get it.

 Humiliated by a serial adulterer, unhappy in a job you know you don’t want to do anymore- why carry on? Life coach, Kandy Barthel, who specialises in ‘new insights’ says, ‘You’re not a failure if you give up. In fact, giving up to move things on is a far better idea than banging your head against a brick wall trying to be persistent when its not getting you any further forward.’

The mindset that we can achieve anything if we keep at it, is unfortunately, for a lot of us, simply not true. And sometimes letting things go, conceding defeat, throwing in the towel is the key to a happier life.

 The prevailing message is not that giving up is good, but that quitting is bad. So here’s an idea, what if we can challenge this theory, and make giving up a viable option. What about if we make peace with throwing in the towel? And even take pleasure in knocking things on the head?

Shauna Chappell, 27, is a big believer in quitting. ‘I, unlike a lot of people I know, am not afraid to put my hands up and say, look this isn’t working for me, or, I know I have made the wrong decision, but hey-ho, I’ll try something different. I have had three jobs which I have not been happy in and I haven’t ever stayed longer than a year in them. I figure life is too short, and you shouldn’t waste time. If it’s not working- do something about it, change it!’

Life coach, Kandy says ‘Many of us feel a change has to be rushed and has to be the product of a sudden emotional outburst. When I guide someone through a life change I would always advise them to really think about the decision before they make it, and not make it on a whim. I also would advise a certain time period to review the situation, after all quitting a job in a blazing row and storming out isn’t going to solve anything and you’re left feeling miserable and no further forward.’

Key tips: Life Coach Kandy Barthel outlines some easy steps

  • Don’t Rush.  Don’t rush into making an irrational decision, take time and reflect how that change will affect you. Take a period of time to review your situation before doing anything.
  • Think about you. Think about once you have made that important change and how you will feel. Think through each step carefully and what you will do next.
  • Take responsibility. Nothing is going to change if you don’t do anything about it. It is easy to take the easy option and moan about how something is making you unhappy, however this wastes time and energy which you could be using to explore ways out of the situation.

10 things to do before you’re 40

Smiling girl

Top 10 things to do before you’re 40.

Feeling a little restless? Is there something missing? If you’re worried about approaching the big 4-0 and want to add a bit more excitement to your life, take a look at our top ten of things to do before you’re 40.

1.       Go to a festival.

Yes it usually rains, involves camping and sharpening your elbows to get a decent view but the festival experience is a must. What better way to liven up your summer than seeing a weekend full of the coolest music superstars live on stage. Only at a festival are bed hair and wellies acceptable. It’s an experience that has to be done at least once, and will provide you will plenty of antidotes every festival season.

2.       Stay awake for over 24 hours

While it is not the most entirely sensible thing to do, an all-nighter must be pulled at some point. If it’s meeting a deadline, partying until sunrise or gossiping with a friend, there is nothing quite as fun and almost mischievous about staying awake all night. Yes the next day may not be so fun, but that’s why they invented coffee.

3.       Treat yourself to something expensive

Nobody can spoil you quite like yourself, and although its naughty, it is nice to reward yourself with the odd treat. It’s important not to make it a regular thing, but if you have the money and that certain something has caught your eye for some time, then nothing will quite make you smile more than treating yourself. The memory it holds is a bonus.

4.       Raise money for charity.

We often talk about helping a charity, but how often do we? Challenge yourself to achieve something in the aid of charity and get people to sponsor you. Not only will you feel that great sense of achievement but you’ll also have that warm feeling of giving to those less fortunate. Think of something you’ve always wanted to do, and please yourself and a charity at the same time.

5.       Visit that place you’ve always dreamed of.

Whether it’s New York, Paris or Tokyo, stop dreaming about visiting there and make it a reality. Look for cheap flights (January sales are usually best) and hotel deals, and it won’t cost as much as you think. The only person that can make your dream journey happen is you, so go for it, the memories and excitement will last a lifetime.

6.       Do something that scares you.

We all have our fears, but to face them takes guts. Battling something that scares you will give you such a buzz. So if its heights, public speaking or spiders find a way to confront it and not let it get the better of you. Overcoming fear will make you a stronger person and show you that nothing can hold you back in life.

7.       Have a job you love.

Life is too short to be stuck in a job that you hate. If you’re unhappy in your career, find ways to make you dream job a reality. Do research and look into job opportunities, but of course, don’t leave your current job until you know a new career is a possibility. Having a job you enjoy, will make Mondays less of a chore and your life a lot happier.

8.       Learn a new language.

It doesn’t matter if you’re fluent or just know the basics, being able to speak another language is a great skill and goes down great with the locals.  It will also impress your friends with your worldliness and make your travels that much easier. Getting through a situation in another language is great fun and will make you feel like a culture vulture.

9.       Learn to have no regrets

As you get older, you soon learn to have no regrets. As a right of passage, you should learn that every mistake teaches you something and helps you move forward. It doesn’t matter if you kept forgiving that love rat, spent your rent on shoes or embarrassed yourself at the Christmas party, you learn not to do it again and become a stronger person because of it.

 10.   Fall in love

If it ends in heartbreak or happiness, it’s a life lesson we all have to learn.

Reviews: Burlesque

Christina in Burlesque

Christina stars in Burlesque

This all singing, all dancing film, stars two of America’s finest divas, Christina Aguilera and Cher.

 Christina plays the part of Ali, a young girl from Iowa hoping to make it big in Hollywood.  She finds work waitressing at a burlesque lounge, and dreams of performing on stage, but Tess (played by Cher) won’t give her a chance, she’s more worried about the uncertain future of the club.

 However, when Ali finally gets her chance to shine, Tess discovers her powerful singing voice. With Ali’s belting live voice, do they have a chance to save the burlesque lounge?  

 The movie contains some cracking musical numbers, and will have you wanting to sing and dance all the way home.

Burlesque is in cinemas December 17th, if you’ve seen it, let us know what you think.

Reviews: One Day by David Nicholls

Although this book has been out for over a year, it has gained mass interest in the past few months, staying put high in the bestsellers list, with a film starring Anne Hathaway already in production.

The book follows two best friends Emma and Dexter, students at the University of Edinburgh after a post-finals fling on July 15, 1988.  Over the next twenty years, we revisit them each St Swithin’s day and follow where they are with their lives.

While working class northerner Emma moves to London and finds herself working at a rubbish Mexican restaurant before becoming a teacher, middle-class Dexter travels Europe before falling into a media career, eventually becoming a (very bad) TV presenter with an alcoholism problem.

The book is a wonderful nostalgic view of the recent past, and is sure to conjure up your own memories of the 80s, 90s and early 00s. You’ll find yourself glued to this page turner, excited to find out if this obviously destined couple ever do end up together.

‘South Africa changed my life’

Katie

In our winter issue, Cherry reports the story of Katie, a 26 year old accountant who decided to travel for three months in South Africa.

Here’s a sneak peak:

“Last year, I decided I wanted to change, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and that was the final straw which made me realise I wasn’t the person I wanted to be.

 I decided I really wanted to go abroad, not on a luxurious five star holiday, but a more meaningful break. I know it sounds clichéd but I wanted to find myself. I decided I wanted to go on a volunteering break to help people in third world countries. It’s something I have always wanted to do but never had the confidence or the time to actually do it.

 I started sifting through pages and pages of information on gap year websites, as I knew volunteering is a common thing for students to do. After spending many evenings researching what it was I wanted to do, I eventually narrowed it down to working with children overseas. I emailed a few companies who got back to me with placements they had on offer. And it was as easy as that.

 One placement in particular caught my eye. It was working with AIDS orphans in South Africa. The company was called Global Adventure Projects. Making the final decision about going was difficult for me as I had never done anything remotely adventurous in my life. I have never been a decision-maker at work or in a relationship. This type of whim just wasn’t me, but I didn’t dislike it. In fact even making the decision to go was hugely exhilarating.

You want to volunteer but you’re not sure where?

Whether you are looking to gain some work experience, help others less fortunate than yourself, or simply experience a new culture, then volunteering is definitely for you. There are lots of different places you can travel to and lots of different projects you can get involved in. Firstly you must think what you are interested in, if working with children is a real passion of yours then why not volunteer in South Africa and help with AIDS orphans like Katie did. If you are a keen sports person, why not coach football to children in Morocco? What ever you decide to do, the experience will be truly rewarding.

Main Companies:

GVI

Volunteer Abroad

VSO

Real Gap

Projects Abroad

i to i

Ecoteer

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